They say I'll be ok... but I'm not going to, ever get over you.

We went after church today to visit Brad's papaw and uncle Buddy, and it was the first time since the funeral that we have been in that house. I wanted to cry the entire time I was there, it isn't the same AT ALL. I can't feel her presence in the house anymore; and that breaks my heart. I still feel as if I'm in a dream, and I wish more than anything I could wake up from it. Today is the first time in weeks where I have actually cried more than a few tears. I wanna see her, but I know it isn't possible and I wish she'd visit me in my dreams just so I could maybe hear her voice just ONE more time. I'm afraid I'll forget what she sounds like, and that kills me. They say time heals all pain, but I don't feel like it has been healed at all. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in 23 years; and I don't ever wanna do it again, though I know I will have to eventually seeing as people don't live forever. I wish I would have been able to tell her one more time how much she meant to me. She was the only one in Brad's family who accepted me for a long time, and though I love them all dearly she was always my favorite, and no one will ever top her..EVER. I know she is home where she wants to be, and she is happy and in no more pain but I am selfish and I want her here with us. Life without her sucks..big time. I don't know how I can deal, I don't know how life can go on when my heart is broken. God I need your mighty hands to wrap around me and comfort my heart because this is the hardest thing ever, I never thought she would die --- take that back I never thought it was possible. This stinks!