The "New Normal"...

Well it's going on the month mark since losing Mamaw, and things have gotten some what easier; although they will never be easy. I don't cry every night anymore but not one single day goes by that I don't think of her and tear up for a second. It breaks my heart that when I have children she will not be there at the hospital awaiting the happiest day of my life. That's the thing that gets me the most is that my children will never know the joy of going to mamaws house and getting their way lol. I will have to introduce my children to their mamaw at a grave side. That's not the way I expected things to be; not the way I wanted things to be. Things will never be the same, but I guess I will just have to get used to the "new normal" although I despise the new normal. I want things back to the way they used to be, when she was just a phone call away or hop in the car and go see her, when if I wanted to see papaw James all I had to do was drive 5 mins away. I hate the new normal, but I know God has a plan for me and for my life and I just have to wait and let him show me where he wants me.  I will make them both proud though,  I applied and have been accepted to college. So as soon as I finish my fafsa I can start figuring out what to do next. I will be taking classes online, for early childhood development, and I will make something of myself.  All I live for now is living life the way God wants, making myself happy, having a wonderful marriage, and making my loved ones proud.